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Elderly man plans to finish his chore list, then old age gets him

1-copyThis is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

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So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the damn day,
and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!

Please SHARE this hilarious story if something similar has happened to you before.1

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Man Tried To Sodomize A 2-Year-Old In Public, But Her Mom Responded Accordingly

Our world is not as safe as we would like it to be. Some would-be criminals are getting more and more bold with their actions. For example, William Bates Jr., 24, of Kansas City, Missouri went to a local playground and found a 2-year-old girl. In broad daylight, he took pulled the child’s diaper down and tried to sodomize her.

pervert man

Mixed race soldier using laptop and cell phone on counter

Military Service Gives Students an Edge Paying for Grad School

The Post-9/11 GI Bill provides former servicemembers – and their family members – financial support to pursue undergraduate and graduate degrees as well as on-the-job training following their military service. This financial benefit, the level of which varies depending on the veteran’s length of service, helps former servicemembers pursue their education goals.
For those veterans interested in pursuing graduate degrees, a number of additional financial resources are available to help. Some scholarships are open only to prospective graduate students, while veterans pursuing advanced degrees are eligible for a number of scholarships that are also open to prospective undergraduates..
Those pursuing an advanced health care degree should explore the U.S. Army F. Edward Hebert Armed Forces Health Professions Scholarship Program, whcih is one of the most lucrative military scholarships, although it comes with service obligations. This scholarship pays full tuition for qualifying students in accredited medical, dental, veterinary, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychology or optometry programs, plus a monthly stipend of more than $2,000 for other expenses.
Medical and dental students also receive a $20,000 signing bonus. Recipients must qualify as a commissioned officer and commit to one year of active-duty service for each year they use the scholarship.
The Society of Army Physician Assistants annually awards three $1,000 Capt. Sean P. Grimes Physician Assistant Educational Scholarship Awards in honor of a fallen Army captain. SAPA members, their spouses and children up to age 24 are eligible, and applications – including a school acceptance letter, list of achievements, transcripts and recent photo – are due each year by Aug. 15.
The Army Nurse Corps Association presents $3,000 scholarships to students enrolled in bachelor’s or advance degree programs in nursing, nurse anesthesia or a related health care field who are serving or have searched in the Army, Army National Guard or Army Reserve. The awards also available to students whose parents, spouse or children are serving or have served in those organizations. 2017 applications are due March 31.
Military MBA grants $20,000 in scholarships each year to veterans who are U.S. residents with undergraduate degrees. Applicants must also be seeking MBAs from member schools, including Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business, Pennsylvania State University—University Park’s Smeal College of Business and George Mason University School of Business. The deadline to apply this round is April 15.
The Colonel Loren J. and Mrs. Lawona R. Spencer Scholarship provides a $5,000 award to U.S. Air Force personnel, including full-time Air Force National Guard and full-time Air Force Reserve members, to pursue graduate-level education in management and administration fields. Applicants must submit a letter of recommendation from their Air Force commander or supervisor as well as a 600-word essay detailing their education golas and how they anticipate the degree helping their Air Force service. The deadline to apply is April 30.
Student Veterans of America and Raytheon Integrated Defense Systems have teamed up to offer two $10,000 2017 Raytheon Patriot Scholarships to U.S. Army veterans who are currently enrolled full time in an accredited institution as undergraduate sophomores, juniors or seniors or graduate students. Applicants must be honorably discharged.
To apply, students must submit an online application, a letter of recommendation as well as provide answers to three essay questions. The application deadline is March 31.
The Army Aviation Association of America’s AAAA Scholarship Foundation provides awards to further the education of group members and their families. The foundation has awarded more than $6.5 million to more than 4,100 recipients since its establishment in 1963. Last year, it provided more than $450,000 to more than 250 applicants.
To apply, eligible individuals must first complete a prequalifying form, after which they’ll receive confirmation of their eligibility. Then they must create an account and complete the application. Applicants are encouraged to complete this first step before April so that they have time to submit their application before May 1. Recipients are announced in mid-August.
In addition to these opportunities, some colleges also offer scholarships for military veterans. For example, Georgetown University offers the Mujica Graduate Student Veteran Stipend. This $2,000 award is given to a veteran pursuing a degree from the school’s Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. Check the school’s site for announcements on when the 2018-19 application period opens.
Veterans should explore institutions’ websites or reach out to them to determine whether they offer scholarships for the military. In many cases, though, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs is a good initial resource for former military personnel seeking funds to pursue higher education. Veterans should just remember this isn’t their only resource.
Source usnews.com

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